Issue 9 – Tuesday 8 August
Fair Trade of Fairy Trade?
Conor Whelan
The Fairytrade name is no more.
Rival Tillyards Coffee yesterday called a press conference to announce that, following a “rotten run” which had resulted in a slump in profit, Tillyards had stepped in to get the cafe back on track.
Phin promises that Tillyards will lower costs and bring its co-op system in.
There will be streamlining of the management to ensure cost efficiency, and this will essentially be about economy of scale. He promises that this will be great for the co-op, thereby raising more profit for charity.
The former manager of Fairytrade, Laurie Brown, said: “We're very pleased – and I might even say ecstatic – that Tillyards Cafe has decided to invest
in our small, humble business. We would like to thank them for being concerned in our time of dire need.”
Laurie's face as he mumbled this pre-prepared speech was, however, a perfect portrait of gloom.
Asked if the takeover would result in job losses, Kit Jones, a member of Tillyards’ management, said that “small changes will be made, but no official statement will be made at this time.”
Some audience members did not allow the speakers to go unchallenged, and voiced their dissent, shouting “naughty, naughty, naughty!” and “Tillyards suck for noodles!”
During questions and answers, one outraged co-op member attacked the Tillyards management for not holding a vote before the takeover, calling it “a violation of what a co-op stands for!”
Phin answered this by saying, “on the contrary, we have acted for the furtherment of the co-op ideal; it is your job to decide where the profit goes, but it is our job to make it. You wouldn't understand these things, which is why we must make decisions for you in your interest.”
He also announced that the differences between Tillyards Coffee and Tillyards Cafe will be celebrated.
The hecklers, however, were not satisfied. When the press conference was over, they sprung into action, carrying all the tables and chairs out of the room in protest and dumping them outside.
One activist voiced his pleasure with the progress of the protest: “This shows civilised society demonstration is a far more effective force than people give it credit for; in the face of Tillyards’ betrayal, the anger of the people has removed the power and legitimacy of the corporation.”
“We were thinking of emptying the place out anyway,” said Phin. “We feel it creates a family picnic feeling.”
The protesters then tore back into the establishment, cutting the trademark hanging chairs from the ceiling, and defacing the round butterfly logo wherever they found it. Then, flocking together, they advanced on the serving area, forming a human blockade, and began chanting “We shall not be moved.” They also called for “an end to globalisation,” and “full accountability for the Tillyards’ management.”
Tillyards and the angry co-op members met later that evening to attempt to resolve the situation. Amid accusations of corruption, incompetence and media bias, the Tillyards board narrowly avoided a vote of no confidence and defeated a motion blocking Tillyards’ takeover of Fairytrade.